neurochemical:

neurochemical:

im at a hotel and the people in the room next to my room started having sex and i timed it and he only lasted for 54 seconds and i think they can hear me laughing now

UPDATE: they just banged on the wall and it only made me laugh harder because dude you can bang a wall but not your girlfriend

(Source: mikisayama)

asolitaryfuck:

deanprincesster:

adorkoftheworld:

tonyfromstatefarm:

me participating in a group project

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

looks like someone owes everyone an anthropology

Get out.

asolitaryfuck:

deanprincesster:

adorkoftheworld:

tonyfromstatefarm:

me participating in a group project

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

looks like someone owes everyone an anthropology

Get out.

(Source: ForGIFs.com)

freshmountains:

"i wish i had a british accent"

ah yes, the british accentimage

the singular british accent

THANK

(Source: earthychild)

Me: If I ever get published, I'm going to write fanfiction for my own books

Me: And then reviewers will be like, "Omg that's totally out of canon."

Me: And I'll be like, "Bitch, I am the canon."

At the groceries store

calakazam:

toyota:

Me: can u give me x²+4y+ of tomatoes & 2(x²+8xy^3) of potatoes please

Seller: I dont understand

Me: well i dont give a fuck i didnt study in vain

those are polynomials you asked for a neverending curve of tomatoes

alexstark-the-hunter:

FREEDOM OF SPEECH MEANS THE GOVERNMENT CANT THROW YOU IN JAIL FOR VOICING YOUR OPINION IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR PEERS CANNOT VIEW IT NEGATIVELY OR REPRIMAND YOU ON BEING A DICK IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT IS OBLIGED TO PUT UP WITH YOU GIVING THEM A BAD NAME IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU GET TO BE OPPRESSIVE IN YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS THEN CRY WHEN YOU ARE CALLED OUT ON IT NOW SHUT UP FUCK PLEASE AND THANK

(Source: news-from-alex)

attabe:

why do height differences in shipping always have to be about one being really tiny and the other being really tall. what about one being exactly a single inch taller than the other and the second being consistently angry about this.

(Source: attabeen)

fahrlight:

glasmond-photography:

Ravenic as Leeloo and our janitor as Korben. They are amazing!

he even LOOKS like Bruce!

(Source: item-shop)

"I prefer being a good boy in certain situations and a bad boy in others." Tom Hiddleston

Me: oh what a lovely park!

Me: oh what pretty flowers!

Me: ...

Me: oh that's a cemetery...

Me: never mind.